On Prayer

Posted on March 7, 2007 by bornfun

This morning, I was posed with the question, “Can we change God’s mind when we pray?” Prayer has been a topic of thought and conversation over the past few months as I walked through the experience of almost losing my foster-daughter, Maria. Prayer has been a stabilizing force, a faith builder, and a source of hope and deepening trust in God. Did prayer cause God to act? Did it cause him to act differently than he was planning on doing? These questions raise a bigger issue. What is the purpose of prayer? Is it mainly for me or is it for God? Perhaps some time answering this will give me the right perspective and lead me to the answer of the first question.

My approach to pondering prayer is based on two non-negotiables. First, it comes down to the question, “Who is God, and is he good?” What do I know about God, and how do I know it? To answer that, I go directly to God’s Word. God revealed himself to Moses – this is perhaps the first self-declaration that God made about his character. Up to this point Moses only knew God as ‘I Am.’ While that says a lot about his sovereign and eternal power, it didn’t reveal his heart. Moses pleaded with God, “Show me your glory,” and God did by declaring this to him.

“Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.” (Ex. 34:5-7, NIV)

Therefore, my first non-negotiable is that God is who he says he is, and he is good. David exemplifies this approach many times in the Psalms. He is brutally honest in his prayers, confessing doubts, heated anger, feelings of abandonment and even accusations that God is not hearing him. But he almost always begins and/or ends with a statement that grounds the prayer in the righteous character of God. In doing so, he finds truth and hope – he finds God. A good example is Psalm 73 where David laments the fact that often times the evil seems to win and the righteous lose. He begins with a statement of faith.

“Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. 2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.” 

This is a confession paraphrased, “This is the way God is, but I nearly forgot because of what I was seeing and feeling.” After talking about his perception of things, he makes an important choice. He comes to the end of his understanding, and takes the problem to God himself.

“When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.” 

How often do we arrogantly try to set ourselves and our understanding above God’s? I think of the proverb that declares, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding.” (Prov. 3:5) When we lean on our own understanding is when things go south. For David, this resulted in oppression. And so it does for us. Therefore, I come to prayer humbly seeking God, trusting that he is good and faithful and loving.

This leads me to the second non-negotiable. God is sovereign. Psalm 33:4 says, “But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” (Psa. 33:11-12, NIV) In the middle of Isaiah, God declares many wonderful and terrifying things about himself. Terrifying, that is, to our erroneous thinking that life is about us – our needs, control, comfort, safety, and understanding. This is what God to say:

“I am the LORD, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things.” (Is. 45:6-7, NIV) 

Later on, we read,

“I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.” (Is. 46:9-10, NIV) 

How do I reconcile these statements of God’s sovereignty with intercessory prayer? The very word, intercede, implies that change is a possibility. Moses intervened on behalf of the Israelites when God threatened to kill them off and create a new people through Moses’ offspring. Now did God change his mind, or was he just testing Moses to see if he really knew Him? Moses’ response was to declare what God had previously revealed about himself.

“Now may the Lord’s strength be displayed, just as you have declared: ‘The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.’ In accordance with your great love, forgive the sin of these people, just as you have pardoned them from the time they left Egypt until now.” (Num. 14:17-19, NIV) 

It is interesting that Moses didn’t just argue against the action itself, but instead used God’s very own words stating that the action didn’t seem to be consistent with who God said he was and how he had acted accordingly in the past. Pleased with Moses’ response, God relented, but still chose a steep punishment by making them wander in the desert for 40 years. Moses also referred to God’s reputation and glory, and that leads me to my next discovery.

When looking to the Scriptures, and when I consider my own experience, prayer seems to be mainly for us – the dependent child crying out to his faithful Father. But in the bigger scope of things, it is all about God and him receiving the greatest glory. At this point I can certainly testify to what I know personally about prayer by coming through these last months with Maria. Did I think that my prayer and the prayers of hundreds of our family, friends and church family would change God’s mind? No, I was certain that God’s purposes for Maria had been set before she was ever conceived. God, because he is all-knowing knew exactly what action he was going to take. However, I do believe that prayer moves the hand of God simply because he wants to reveal his glory and in turn be glorified. The more we pray and the more we invite and receive the prayers of our loved ones, the more we are looking to God in unity for the answer, be it ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ The wrong approach would be to sit around defeated because God is sovereign and will do what he whatever he wants. Passivity reveals a lack of faith and trust. For example, after much prayer for the situation, we began to receive advice from trusted friends that we should look into the law. While this brought about great fear, and the question as to whether or not this was ‘waiting in hope on the Lord,’ I decided to act upon that advice as if the advice itself was part of the answer to our prayers. Indeed it was, and I believe that Maria would not be with us today had we not stepped out in faith upon this answer to prayer. God receives the most glory when our faith is active. We pray, we wait, we hope, we receive wise counsel, we pray again, and then we move in faith asking God to redirect if we’re moving in error. Then we wait again. In our situation, we had our most turmoil during the week we pursued the law with research, phone calls, and appointments. Nothing apparently changed, and having done all we could, we waited and we continued to pray. Then the strangest thing happened. I was driving home about a week before the terrible transaction was to take place realizing that I had done all I could do and it didn’t look like the answer was going to be ‘yes,’ but I had peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding was guarding my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I also had hope – not hope that it was going to turn out my way, but hope that God was faithful and was really with me and would remain with me even if I had to hand Maria over to her great-aunt. And I had joy, joy because at the end of my own resources I was discovering how wonderful it is to be totally dependent upon God, and dependent upon people who were bearing the burden with us, weeping with us, encouraging us and praying for us. I also had joy because I had never experienced this depth of intimacy before with God, with family and friends, and with Julie. She and I would often say, “These are good times,” even in light of the reality of loosing Maria. We never lost any sleep over the issue. We never lost faith that God could move in a miraculous way, just like he did when he spoke and the waves of the stormy sea were immediately stilled and all was calm. We never lost hope that God was good and that his way was the best way. I attribute all of this reality as answers to prayer and I proclaim praise to the Lord for it all.

I would like to end with a simple question. “Why did Jesus pray?” He was always setting out to a quiet place early in the morning to pray. He was, after all, God-in-the-flesh possessing all of the attributes of the Almighty, being all-powerful, all-knowing and all-wise. What did Jesus pray about? Perhaps he followed his own model of prayer giving God praise, asking to be in the center of his will, voicing his needs and perhaps frustrations, praying that the evil one would not triumph, and lifting the needs of his disciples and the lost multitudes before his Father. Only one of these prayers is recorded in the Scriptures. Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane just hours before the ordeal was about to go down, crying tears of blood and sweat as he contemplated the horror of the cross and separation from his Father as he bore the sins of the world. He was begging that God would work out salvation another way. Yet he ended with, “Not my will, but Thine be done.” I think the main reason he prayed, was because he was totally dependent upon his Father and submissive to his Father’s sovereign will. And that is why we pray. We don’t ultimately pray to get our way or to change God’s mind. We pray in order to draw closer to our Father in faith that he is good, and to submit to his will in our lives as the very best place to be. We pray because it gives God all the glory when he acts on our behalf.

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On Worship and Faith

Posted on February 7, 2007 by bornfun

The real issue of life, the bottom line for the Christ-follower, is the answer to this question. Do I trust God or not? This is the question of faith. By faith in Christ we have salvation, and by faith, we begin to live our new lives. My job as a worship leader is to put the spotlight on God – who he is and what he has done. The ultimate challenge for me then is not whether or not I can sing songs of praise to God and about God, not whether I devote my time to reading the Scriptures, attending church, and doing good things, but rather if I choose to trust him completely, and live my life grounded in that trust. Trust is the internalization of the truths I find in Scripture and declare in worship. Take this simple truth found in Psalm 33. “[H]e is faithful in all he does.” Later on it declares, “But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” I can sing about this, read a book or listen to a sermon about it, but ultimately, when something very painful or disappointing happens to me, do I cling to this truth and respond in faith? Do I believe like the man asking Jesus for a miracle for his son, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24) Do I trust in God’s faithfulness when I’m feeling something else, or to put it in the words of a friend, “When it’s not working for me?” Well, this is what I have found out regarding faith as I walk through the unknown future with my daughter, Maria, whom my wife and I hope to adopt. Right now I face a terrible loss – it’s a date on the calendar for next week, the day I am to give her away to her great-aunt … The knowledge of this possibility came to us in November. Julie and I decided to make this a matter of prayer and have devoted Wednesday afternoons to fasting and praying for this situation. This decision to devote ourselves to prayer has changed everything – it gives us the right perspective and it takes us to the humble position of our knees, together, as we confess our utter dependence upon our heavenly father. This unites our hearts with one another and opens our eyes to the bigger picture of God’s sovereignty – this is bigger than us and really isn’t ultimately about us. Prayer makes us hopeful, not in getting our way, but with the felt presence of God working in and through us as we place our trust in Him. Perhaps the greatest benefit is that it turns our attention away from our situation and ourselves. As ‘the peace of God, which transcends all understanding” begins to guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus, we find our attention turning to Billy, our family, friends, people who are in even more trying circumstances than we are. As we pray for them, our problem suddenly seems smaller and we get up off of our knees with hope, waiting for God’s will to unfold, and committed more than ever to be in the center of that will even if it hurts. This is the true manifestation of faith. “We wait in hope for the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.” (Psalm 33:20-22)

When God called me to pursue adoption, I sensed him saying that this was going to change my heart forever. Perhaps this is a huge part of what he wanted to teach me, a lesson on faith that has indeed forever changed me by drawing me into a deeper trust relationship with my heavenly father and his Son, Jesus Christ, my Savior. For this I am eternally grateful!

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Meditations on Psalm 33

Posted on January 31, 2007 by bornfun

Julie and I have taken the obedient step to follow God’s lead in opening our home to children who are ‘homeless.’ Of course we are praying that God would allow us to adopt some of these kids. Maria was the first that God brought to our home. Our hearts immediately attached, and 5 months with her have drawn us to an inexpressible love toward and delight in her. Now, the Lord is calling us to hand her over to her great-aunt. This hard turn of events has drawn us to a deep trust in the Lord – in his goodness, his faithfulness, his sovereign will, and his strength. It has drawn us closer to one another as we draw to our knees in prayer, and sharpen our focus on the ministry God has called us to as a couple. It has taught us to wait on the Lord. It seems that the bulk of the life of faith in Christ is lived in the waiting – waiting for the answer to our prayers. That’s where Psalm 33 comes into the picture. It concludes with this powerful statement of faith expressed through this song of worship. “We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.” 

This morning, I am going to meditate upon this Psalm.

“Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him. Praise the LORD with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre. Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.”

This was one of my favorite verses in my youth because it gave me a biblical basis to play my music loudly. I owe my parents and sisters a great deal of thanks for mercifully suffering through this youthful freedom I found. Unfortunate for them, I fixated on ‘loudly’ when I should have begun with ‘skillfully.’ For this I owe them an apology as well. It is the combination of both that makes the sweetness that we experienced on Sunday as we sang such great songs as “I Am Free,” “You Are Good,” “Hallelujah What A Savior,” and “You Are Holy.” But it is the reason why we, the righteous, should praise the Lord. We are told that it is ‘fitting’ because the Word of the Lord is right and true. He is faithful in all he does – in ALL he does! Okay, God was faithful when he brought Maria into our home, and he remains faithful even if he takes her from our home. This is hard to say, but it is right and reassuring to focus on his faithfulness and give him praise in light of it.

“The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love. By the word of the LORD were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth. He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; he puts the deep into storehouses. Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the people of the world revere him. For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.”

The Lord loves what is right and just. Does it seem right for Maria to leave our home to live life with her great-aunt Betty – 60 years old, single, most likely not a believer, doing this to fill a lonely place in her life? No it doesn’t. Does it seem just? According to the law of the land, yes – according to God’s desire to set the poor in families, no. Yet, God loves what is right and just. Just when we’re about to question God’s ways, we are called to look at who he is – the creator of the heavens and the earth. He spoke these things into being by the breath of his mouth – he is all-powerful! He gathers the waters into jars – he is huge, stronger that we could ever imagine! He is sovereign – he spoke and it came to be. What he commands, stands firm. Our response then is worship – to fear and revere him.

“The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.”

God is sovereign – his ways and plans will happen always and forever. It is notable that these are the purposes of his heart. Is any response but trust warranted here? Do I have any room to argue with God about what ultimately happens with Maria? I can plead, but in the end I must accept. Even now, not knowing, I must accept.

“Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth— he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.

Evidently, there is a special blessing for those who bow the knee before the Lord – to people whom God has chosen for his inheritance. This is grace, a gentle reminder that the blessing isn’t something I earn or deserve, but something that God has graciously chosen me to receive. Yet I still must choose to accept, to bow the knee and proclaim Jesus as Lord. There is a necessary response to God’s grace. I count myself as one of God’s chosen people because of what is declared by the apostles in the New Testament.

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” (1Pet. 2:9-10, NIV) 

God sees all the people he has made, even those who don’t belong to Him. He formed their hearts and he considers all that they do. He longs for all people to ‘belong to Him’ and this simply happens when we ‘receive mercy.’ I’m in! Not because of the blessing I want to receive, but because I would be a fool to turn away this wonderful opportunity to belong to the one who formed my heart, who considers all I do, and who offers me his inheritance. And for this I declare his praise!

“No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.

This is key to our position and approach to our situation with Maria. Our hope is not in the law, lawyers, social workers, judges, her great-aunt, or our clever ability to make things work out our way. We are aware that all of these people have an important role in determining Maria’s future. We are praying for these people and for favor with them. We are praying for wisdom to act in faith in a responsible and courageous manner. But we are not setting our hope on these things. Our hope is ultimately in the Lord and his faithful and sovereign will for Maria and for us. He is the one who delivers and gives us life, even in the bleakest of circumstances.

At this point, I will let God’s Word have the last word. These last verses of the psalm have been our hope, song and prayer as we walk nearer the terrible date that we are to hand Maria over to her great-aunt. I could not find more confidence and strength anywhere else. This is where I’m digging in. Both Julie and I are truly rejoicing for we fully trust our God. In the words of the old hymn, “Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him. How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus. O for grace to trust Him more.”

“We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.” (Psa. 33:22, NIV)

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Thoughts on Maria & Trust (Part 2)

Posted on January 27, 2007 by bornfun

I don’t know how to process the news that we got yesterday regarding Maria. It was not good. Our chances of having Maria remain in our family are very slim. February 22 is already the set date to hand her over to her great aunt. Cindy met with her and told us that she could not professionally recommend that Maria remain with us. Case closed – we have no say in the matter and that doesn’t seem fair. Life isn’t fair. I’m not even going to stake my claim on life being just – justice according to our system of law would have Maria belonging with her blood family. I recognize this painful reality. I’m staking my claim on grace and I’m holding out hope that God in His sovereign will could change her great aunt’s heart to see the future that our home holds for Maria. I do think that justice ought to allow us to have a hearing with her, as personal as possible, to declare our love for Maria and what type of future we hope for her to have with us. She needs to know what she could have with us, and she needs to weigh this evidence, if indeed Maria’s future is her main concern. We also want a relationship with her blood relatives. We want her to know her roots and we want them to see her grow up and become a young lady and adult. This is part of the risk God was asking us to take – that’s why we pursued adoption this way. Now, before I list some of the things that I would like to say to Maria’s great aunt, I need to stop and acknowledge the Lord’s sovereign will in this.

Since the first day we have had Maria, we have daily prayed for her future. We have said, “God, Maria belongs to You. You are her Maker and You are her Father. We trust her into Your hands because You are faithful, loving and perfect in all your ways. But if it be Your will, we would like her to belong to us too. We want to be representatives of Your hands and heart of love. We would like her to be in our family forever – to give her a new name, Maria Joy Born, a new future, one of hope, joy, peace and love, a new inheritance, all that we have is hers, and a new position as the child of our delight, bringing her into our large circle of friends and family. We want to delight in her and train her up in the unconditional love of the Lord – to come to know Jesus as her Lord and Savior, and be adopted into His family as well. “Not my will, but thine be done.” Those words were said in the Garden of Gasthemene as Christ was drawing near to the cross. His will was not granted, and I painfully will follow in Christ steps if God wills it. I must trust Him – is there anything else I can do? Here are some of the things we have prayed for her and continue to pray:

• Protect her from evil, and from the sins of her forefathers. Keep her from sexual, emotional and physical abuse. Keep her from any unnecessary pain, rejection, instability or dysfunction in her home life.

• Keep her mind healthy and strong, protecting her from any mental disorders.

• Place her in the home where she will come to know You as her personal Lord and Savior, and where this faith will be modeled and nurtured.

• Place her in a home where she knows and thrives in the fact that she is the object of her parents’ delight.

• Place her in a home that has a loving father – she needs to know the unconditional love and wisdom of a father.

• Make her more influential in this world than we will ever be. Make her a leader for what is right and good. May she live a life that has eternal impact.

• Give her a voice to sing your praises.

• Give her a heart of compassion.

• Make us these parents and this home by the power of Your Holy Spirit living in and through us.

I could go on with this prayer, but these are the things that we are pleading with the Lord to answer. Here is what I would like to say to Maria’s great aunt.

We consider Maria to be one of the most beautiful and precious gifts that God has given us. We know that according to the law, she should go with you, but we want you to know what she means to us, and what we would like to offer her, and hope that you would weigh that into a decision that has Maria’s best interest in mind. We are not trying to compare the love that you would give her with our love. Unconditional love levels the playing fields, and any child will thrive in this love. I would like you to consider what Maria presently has, and the future she would have if she remained with us. We would like you to be a part of that future as her Great Aunt. We also hope that she can know her birth mother some day as well.

We delight in Maria, as does our entire circle of friends and family. It would be overwhelming to name them all. She has been flooded with so many gifts, so much clothing, so many people rushing over to meet her that first week – people who want to know and love her. Julie and I both broke down and wept that first week we had her as we opened card after card with generous gifts and words of love. Maria doesn’t just have a home with a mom and dad and brother, she has 8 sets of cousins her age, 5 sets of aunts and uncles, 2 sets of grandparents, countless friends, and a whole church family that has overwhelmed both her and us with their love. In addition to this circle of friends and family, we offer her this home on this 10-acre orange farm in Redlands. It is more than we could ever have asked or dreamed, but whatever we have is hers. I hope that she might want to own a horse someday. Her grandparents live on the same property – a stone’s throw away. This is like the old-fashioned America where family is not just close, but right next door. Perhaps the greatest thing that we have to offer is a healthy family with both a mother and father, and an older brother who is absolutely crazy about her. More than anything, I want to be a father to Maria. I absolutely delight in her. I want to be there for her everyday, cheering for her when she wins, comforting her when she looses, protecting her from harm, seeing her thrive in my delight, the security of my love, and the confidence that she is beautiful and priceless in my eyes. She’s already got me wrapped around her finger. I would ask that you watch these video’s of pictures we have taken with her in our home. I think they capture the joy and love that Maria has had during her first 5 months of life with us. It was as if Maria were my very own that first day I spent with her on August 31st. Yet we have never claimed that Maria belongs to us and we don’t claim it now. We have just prayed that God in His grace would grant us the privilege of being her parents. We have trusted that wherever she goes, she is in His good and loving hands. We have given her all the love we could possibly give. His will be done.

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Thoughts on Maria and Trust

Posted on September 27, 2006 by bornfun

Wow! One month ago, Julie and I had just returned from our Idaho vacation. All vacation long, we talked and prayed about the new era we would come home to – the era of opening our home to foster/adopt children. I kept telling Julie that I thought it would be a quick change. Throughout the whole process, I sensed and urgency that carried us through the certification process with Koinonia in 6 weeks (as opposed to the 3 – 6 months that they suggested it would take.) Well, on Wednesday, August 30, 2006, a little baby named Maria was born. On the next day at 4:30 PM we got a phone call asking us if we would like to bring her into our home. By 6:30 PM we were driving out to Joshua Tree and around 8 PM, just as the sun was setting, we met Maria.

I have never seen a more beautiful baby – small with perfect features. I am totally taken with her, and I was that very night. I had no idea that I would attach so quickly, so completely as if she was my own. There’s even an additional sweetness knowing that we are pursuing her, bringing her into our family, giving her a new name, a new identity, and a new future. There’s a humble feeling of awe that God would choose us to do this.

Of course, there is the faith and trust issue here, the nagging knowledge that this isn’t final – that Maria is not ours. Every hour, my watch beeps and I pray, “God, Maria belongs to You. I trust You with her life. I want so desperately to be entrusted with her for the entirety of her or my life. I want to call her mine. Yet, Your will be done. I trust You completely. Help me to be the best father I can be to her right now – each day that you’ve entrusted her to me. Amen.”

In a way, is it any different for Billy? Perhaps it’s just more vivid of a reality that Maria belongs to God. However, everything I have belongs to Him and has been entrusted to me to use and influence for His glory. After all, it’s all about God, not about me. It’s not ultimately about Julie and my desire to have Maria as our child. Yet, I can come to my loving Father with my requests, and trust Him to give me what I ask for in His name. There’s just always that surrendering phrase that Jesus obediently used in the garden of Gethsemane. “Not my will, but Thy will be done.” In His case, His will to be delivered was not granted, because God had a greater good in mind – the salvation of the whole world. Thank you, Jesus for modeling this submission for me.

My heart is so full as I walk through these days. I barely have had time to stop and reflect. I think about the first Worship service on 9/3. I was leading with David Finley and he had planned the worship set. Every song pointed me to God’s sovereignty and my need to trust.

Blessed Be Your Name was a real moment as I sang “You give and take away, Lord, blessed be Your name.” “Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise.” You Are God Alone reminded me of God’s character and that “In the good times and bad, You are on Your throne.” Immortal Invisible reminded me that ‘To all life Thou givest to both great and small. In all life Thou livest, the true life of all. We blossom and flourish as leaves on the tree. We wither and perish but naught changest Thee.”

I continue to trust God as we walk through this time. I’m very aware of the risk we are taking, even now knowing that a family from The River, just lost their fos-adopt 4 year old son after having him for 9 months. They were way further along in the process. I pray for them every time I think about them. I also am aware of the threefold process that God has commissioned for us. First, to change the life of Maria forever. Second, to lead our church in worshiping Him by being obedient to this specific call on my life – by being willing to throw myself into His loving arms in a deep trust that He will sovereignly work His will in this process. By being willing to surrender the clean, easy, safe life that I sinfully cling to and that can keep me from reaching out to the lost and the least – the very people that Jesus primarily hung out with during His years on earth. Finally, allowing this process to change my heart forever as I am drawn closer to God’s heart. In the book I am reading about Bono, called Bono, I am most impressed by how he describes his work in Africa. “On the Africa stuff we can’t lose, because we’re putting our shoulder to a door God Almighty has already opened. We carry with us–this is something that’s important–the moral weight of an argument… The argument has some sort of moral force that they cannot deny. It’s bigger than you, and it’s bigger than them. And history as well as God is on its side.” That’s how I feel about what we’re doing right now. I sense God’s pleasure – the same huge hug I felt at the Saddleback Conference as He assures me that this is the call He’s placed on my life. I praise Him that the time has come and the process has begun. I praise Him for His timing and for my partner in this all – Julie Ann. Here’s to the future as we continue to open the floodgates of love in our home.

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A Big Hug From God

Posted on July 5, 2006 by bornfun

In June, 2006 I attended the Saddleback Worship Conference. This excerpt from my journal refers to our closing session on Friday by Louie Giglio.

Louie challenged me to keep the focus on Christ and the cross. He is the door by which we enter into God’s presence and the one that we seek to bring to people who don’t know Him. But what I got out of Louie’s talk most was his last point from his teaching on Hebrews 13:15,16. His first three points indicated that our worship is ‘through Christ,” “to God,” and involves “sacrifice.” When he began talking about the last point with an intense conviction, I began weeping. “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for which such sacrifices God is pleased.” He then pleaded with us as worship leaders to lead our people to bringing mercy and justice to the ‘least of these.’ I felt God wrapping His huge arms around me saying, “You’re doing exactly the right thing as you trust me to bring the right children into your life to adopt. And while I’m going to change the lives of those children forever through you, and while I am asking you to lead your congregation in doing this, the greatest reason is that I am going to change you as you step out in obedience and trust me to make you and Julie adequate for the task.” So I wept and wept and wept through the end of his talk and through the entire singing of “The Heart of Worship.” It was a profound experience that I will always carry with me. You see, Julie and I had an appointment set for Monday to meet with the lady from Koinonia Foster Homes. I was able to share this with a few of my friends once again through tears as I was in awe of God’s work in my life.

So I walk away from the conference with a real sense that God always goes before. He has prepared Julie and me for this new era in our family, and continues to lead us there, confirm His faithfulness, and call us to a greater trust. In the same way, all of the things I sense God doing that I recorded a few weeks ago after our Pastoral Staff Retreat, God continues to confirm. My prayer is that I walk forward prayerfully with passion, wisdom, a deep trust, strong conviction, and a respect for my leadership. God will confirm these things through His Spirit’s work in Gary and others who lead me as well. Even Sunday confirmed these things as I stepped out and continued to invite my people, God’s people to a deeper trust and faith as we open our lives to a greater realization of God’s Spirit. (Perhaps being filled with the Spirit is just a greater realization of His presence and an openness to His work – no, not just being open, but pleading with Him to work). I stepped out in faith and entered a new era of allowing God to lead through me in even inviting people to salvation. Gary delivered a sermon that was more heart-felt than almost any I can remember and there was a real sense of the power of the Holy Spirit in everything that happened on Sunday. Lord, give us eyes to see and a heart that seeks Your Spirit’s presence and work among us at Trinity.

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